have you forgive?

so, this entry has been on my head for almost 2-3 weeks already. but i have to wait until the very last day of the year, since this will be the closing entry for year 2010.

basically 2010 was a very colorful year for me. and I would personally call it, the Get-To-Know-Myself-Year. I learnt a lot about myself, about limitations, the good and the bad sides of me, how stubborn i could be, and how sensitive i could be, and a lot more things I thought i was, but i wasn't and vice versa.

it was a great year, with a lot of experience, changes and stuff. it was full of love and drama. u realize people care about you so much, and where or what your life should revolves around. and u realize there's a lot of things u've said but you didn't do. and just as i think i have move out my comfort zone, i discovered another comfort zone i was in, and i thought i was very in control of myself and my response towards things, then i realize there are still things i can't control.

it was nice. it was my self-discovery year. and i have no regrets by the end of the year.

i learnt that the only thing that is permanent is family. they are the people who'll never leave you, and you can always go back to them, no matter what.

okay. the point of this entry ; is to forgive yourself. and everyone else around you.

we all make mistakes, a lot. to ourself and other people. we ask for forgiveness from God, and people. sometimes people forgive, sometimes they don't. i watched this video by brother Nouman Ali Khan, regarding the heaven sandwich, one of the criteria of al-muttaqeen, are those who forgive. we forgive, because we want God's forgiveness, for every single wrongdoings we did. the saying goes, "wise people forgives, but never forgets." if you don't really forget, i guess u're not really forgiving. we forgive, we forget, but we learnt something, so we BE CAREFUL next time. 

okay. we forgive, people forgive us (hopefully), and Allah is The One Who Forgives Again and Again. 

but, have we forgive ourself? so often we live in guilt, because we didn't forgive ourself. so i gained few pounds this year, do i have to punish myself by not eating and exercising until i die? nope. i recognize, i should've have lead a better lifestyle, get myself something new that fits, and lead a better lifestyle. (hopefully). 

for every single thing i did this year, ( i don't wanna call it a mistake, cuz that will hurt people) and get me into trouble, i have finally forgive myself and bake a i-forgive-me-cake. thanks betty crocker, u're the best!

forgive yourself. then only you'll start living. don't live in guilt. it's going to take you down. waaaaay down.

okey. yang lebih penting dari entry di atas, adalah, 

i know i hurt a lot of people this year. and i know a lot of u were disappointed with me, i know i did. I AM REALLY SORRY. mohon maaf dengan sepenuh hati, aku tahu ada ramai yang terluka dengan aku tahun ni, or previous years ke, i am really sorry. dari sekecil-kecil perbuatan kepada sebesar-besarnya. and i'll try my best starting next year to respond better to messages, calls and all other types of communication media. and kepada yang ada rasa terabaikan, or terguris by anything i did, i am really sorry, so please forgive me. by the time i wrote this, i have no grudge against anyone, so i was hoping the same way goes to u.

forgive, then only u'll live.

it'll be difficult, but i promise u it'll be worth it.